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tytanium0503
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Name: Tyler
Location: Springdale, Arkansas, United States
Birthday: 5/3/1989
Gender: Male


Interests: Jesus, Guitar, friends, drawing, reading... you name it.


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AIM: tytanium0503
MSN: tytanium0503@aol.com


Member Since: 8/4/2005

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Thursday, June 07, 2007

I'm looking for a connection
but I don't see it
.. I want it to be there
yet I'm digging in empty ground

Then I make the correction
it's just someone else's eyes
not yours

they bring back memories
of past and near future
to me they're overly outspoken
put them away

they make my mind dig for the skeleton of a ghost
that I thought I could place
in the dark room of my past

somewhere not often visited
by myself or others
it holds my treasures...
and my tragedies

lie on the floor
I haven't picked them up
for fear of fragility
and the chosen forgetfulness

put them away
Time... our keeper
I'm afraid of this weakness
and this realization

for it to strike me in my singularity
but I suppose there are things to wonder
"why is it like this?"
I'll ask the surrounding emptiness

Amen.
resounds the air
and that is what remains
the echo of finality

in its thundrous silence




Monday, May 28, 2007

Currently Watching
Stalker: A Film by Andrei Tarkovsky
By Aleksandr Kajdanovsky, Alisa Frejndlikh, Anatoli Solonitsyn, Nikolai Grinko, Natasha Abramova
see related
How many times is enough

I ask myself

it seems..

that everything I've longed for

is just an outline of a dream


guess I'll wake up

and sit here

staring out my window..

towards all the scenery that lives in me

for the time it takes for me to see

it was all just a dream

....  yet it seemed

so real before I left it


After sitting; recollecting

I see that's what dreamers do

live for that fleeting moment

and pray that it comes true


with that spark

livid in my heart

my wishes are in reach

but then it dies

a quick demise

and I get my ass out of bed.




Friday, May 04, 2007

Currently Listening
Cassadaga
By Bright Eyes
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I was saddened by my eyes

watching the torn and rugged demise

The youth that was once alive

Was now strollin away

 

Down the rugged, ravaged dirt road

Of the weary, tiresome timetrodden

And that glaring summer sun

Beat down on your face

 

No vehicular means to travel

Just your legs and your stowed bible

But your legs wanted to buckle

Under the weight of that summer heat

And Those wandering beside you

Had no relative value

They’re just the poor naïve souls

In the shade

 

Shade’s no convenience for you

The sun’ll all take us away someday

Let’s just walk away from this phase

For the truth

 

So they decided to give way

The time you had so stowed away

And there were so many things to say

But the speedy second hand of today

Hates youth

 

Lest waste it on some words

They’ll all just bounce off the rough ground

Let’s not bother with the muffled sound

Of insincerity

Seemed like resilience to me,

But all of the grass, birds, bees, and trees

Went on being naturally,

The same

 

Which got me to pondering

How did we go off wandering

While this poor, downtrodden man

Lived a day

 

And so I’m walking away from this grave

The summer sun pushing my face

Towards the worries of today

And impossibilities

 

Doesn’t seem to me like

There’s much for me to be like

Just to give my thoughts and good life

Away


Monday, January 08, 2007

Currently Listening
Lateralus
By Tool
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I'm back on xanga for a bit... it's been a good long forever.

I forgot how much of a vent xanga was for me.. because on here i'm not subjected to the same criticism as other socialshitonline sites.

First of all, I still work at taco bell.. and it still sucks ass.  Dealing with dumbass customers who think YOU'RE the dumbass because you work at taco bell.  I soon will try and find another job.. i mean, there's no benefit to staying there.

Lately, I'm feeling just about 100% socially inept.  I guess I feel fulfilled when I'm cared about, and for the past year or so I'd say I'm learning to invert that, so I only need me to feel accomplished.  Life's too short to put all your eggs in one basket... not only one basket, but one someone ELSE is carrying.  It's not any big deal though, school starts back tomorrow. That'll take my mind off of any little nuisance.

This whole college ordeal makes me nervous.. Having to pay for college is making me nervous.. committing to a college is making me nervous, and so is worrying about one to get into. I mean, I'm sure i should just have some faith, but faith isn't easy to come by once you try to take things in on your own shoulders.

I think I just want friends to talk to; friends that care.  For as long as I've been alive, I"ve kept to myself.  Even when I was younger, my parents had to force me to tell them the problems I was having. I suppose that's all I want. Someone that can relate.

Anyways, it will all blow over. I just needed to rant a little bit. It seems that xanga is my garbage dump for problems.

**edit**

haha, I just read my entry from july 7th from last summer.. shows how much the world can bring you down i guess. I feel bad now.  Guess my candle of hope couldn't stand up against the winds of the world.


Sunday, July 30, 2006

Just found some lyrics that hit me

Doubting Thomas

what will be left when i've drawn my last breath,
besides the folks i've met and the folks who know me,
will i discover a soul cleansing love,
or just the dirt above and below me,
i'm a doubting thomas,
i took a promise,
but i don't know what's safe,
oh me of little faith,

sometimes i pray for a slap in the face,
then i beg to be spared 'cause i'm a coward,
if there's a master of death i'll bet he's holding his breath,
as i show the blind and tell the deaf about his power,
i'm a doubting thomas,
i can't keep my promises,
'cause i don't know what's safe,
oh me of little faith

can i be used to help others find truth,
when i'm scared i'll find proof that its a lie,
can i be lead down a trail dropping bread crumbs,
that prove i'm not ready to die,

please give me time to decipher the signs,
please forgive me for time that i've wasted,

i'm a doubting thomas,
i'll take your promise,
though i know nothin's safe,
oh me of little faith



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